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Mark Twain

Mark Twain
I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.
We have the best government that money can buy.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.