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Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
It's not often that you get so much class entertainment outside your bedroom window or outside your bedroom, period.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Anyone can get old, all you have to do is live long enough.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.