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Fred Allen

Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.
I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns -- he should be drawn and quoted.
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.