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George Burns

George Burns
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
I would rather be a failure doing something I love than be a sucess doing something I hate.
If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.