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Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker
All those writers who write about their own childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.
It's not the tragedies that kill us; it's the messes.
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.
I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.
I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.
The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'check enclosed.'
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant -- and let the air out of the tires.