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If one year is seven dog years, then one day is a dog week.
If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.
If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number.
If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
If it weren't for Newton, we wouldn't have to eat bruised apples.
If imprinted foil seal under cap is broken or missing when purchased, do not use.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it isn't worth the effort.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If all the philosophers in the world were laid end to end, they wouldn't reach a conclusion.
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.