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If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.
If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number.
If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
If it weren't for Newton, we wouldn't have to eat bruised apples.
If imprinted foil seal under cap is broken or missing when purchased, do not use.
If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it isn't worth the effort.
If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
If all the philosophers in the world were laid end to end, they wouldn't reach a conclusion.
If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
If Murphy's Law were true, every time you tried to take a breath, all the air would be on the other side of the room.