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Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.
Laissez Faire Economics is the theory that if each acts like a vulture, all will end as doves.
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
Justice: A decision in your favor.
Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.
Jesus was killed by a Moral Majority.
It's smart to pick your friends -- but not to pieces.
It's so humid, you could poach an egg on the sidewalk.
It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop.
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
It's not hard to meet expenses; they're everywhere.
It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
It's later than you think.
It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.